


Chilling in a McDonald's parking lot like

by tisapear



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cryptid Hunter Sasuke, Established Relationship, M/M, Slice of Life, Yes you read that fucking right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22855987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisapear/pseuds/tisapear
Summary: Naruto's bored, Itachi's late and Sasuke's crawling alongside the walls on his knees, phone out and ready to film.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 30
Kudos: 94





	Chilling in a McDonald's parking lot like

The sight would delight Naruto any other time, but he's convinced that Sasuke is one day gonna up and leave him for some 40s cryptid from the compost heap in weird old geezer Orochimaru's backyard, so the situation leaves him rather miffed.

Naruto insists it's _there_ but Sasuke just counters that he'd have already found it, if it actually does exist, and isn't that ridiculous, that the one time Naruto is readily throwing caution to the wind, _Sasuke_ is the one denying any and all involvement of the supernatural kind.

____

____

"I do love seeing you on your knees," Naruto says from where he's seated on the stairs, elbow supported on his upper thigh, chin lazily held up by his palm while his eyes follow the curve of Sasuke's jeans clad ass (bless those hot topic skinny jeans, bless them for all his existence is worth). "But I'd really rather you did it on, y'know, an actual bed—or anywhere else than an empty parking lot at 3 am, really."

"Stop staring at my ass, loser," Sasuke simply retorts, without missing a beat. Naruto smiles, corners slowly rising, and Sasuke might not see it, but Naruto knows he'll hear it in his voice. 

"But _darling_ , your wallet's about to fall out."

__

__

"Is not." Despite his words he reaches backwards and fondles his back pocket with one hand, the other still firmly holding up the phone. Naruto snickers. 

Sasuke shoots him A Look, then rolls his eyes and seemingly decides that's as much attention as he's ready to give Naruto for now and goes back to staring at a weird stain on the ground. 

Naruto contemplates whether he has the heart to tell Sasuke that it's a five weeks old dried out puke puddle and not mothman's horny insect man goo, but then decides against it because Sasuke's hoodie (Naruto's, actually, but Sasuke stole that one months ago, and isn't that a delicious thought) is beautifully slipping down one shoulder and currently revealing the bitemark on that invitingly pale throat that Naruto left just this morning, and, well. 

Well. 

"You're not gonna find anything." Sasuke ignores him as he is wont to do, so Naruto continues, voice filled with mocking mischief, "You should know by now that they're not gonna show before the staff's not left." Knowing Sasuke is looking at him, even if he's pretending otherwise, Naruto pointedly flicks his eyes towards the still brightly illuminated McDonald's. 

Sasuke stares at him, just as pointedly, then looks away and mumbles, more to himself than anyone else, "The staff _never_ leaves." 

__

Naruto wisely chooses to ignore that, because _hooh boy_ does he so not want to get into this particular conspiracy theory of Sasuke's. Not now, not ever again, if he can help it. 

__

__

Instead he stretches one leg, the one not still supporting his arm to give him that particular look Sasuke's totally into (even if he'd never admit to it) and yawns. 

He looks at his phone—3:33 am—and wonders where the fuck Itachi is. 

"Probably fucking Shisui on the backseat of his car." 

Naruto squints at Sasuke's form, still firmly concentrated on the must-be cryptid marks on the wall that will _most definitely_ lead him into a den full of cryptids ready to welcome him with open arms (they're from the fucking rain). 

__

__

"Ya know, you keep denying it but with that telepathy thing you've got going on I'm still not entirely convinced _you're_ not a cryptid." 

__

__

He hears Sasuke say something like "If only" and "Your idiotic idiot face clearly shows off your even more idiotic idiot thoughts, it's not rocket science, loser" before he rises to his feet, that gorgeous ass sadly hidden behind the bright orange of Naruto's hoodie. (Damn.) 

"Finally giving up?" Naruto says, and maybe he sounds a little too hopeful there because Sasuke throws him a dirty look. He pouts. "If you'd just listen to me we'd not only see a cryptid but would also be 2 million yen richer-" 

"Orochimaru is _not_ a Tsuchinoko." 

__

__

"Is so."  
"Is not."  
"Is so!!!" 

Sasuke walks towards him until he's right in front of him, hands firmly planted on Naruto's thighs, and he leans forward until their noses are almost touching, Sasuke's sweet chai latte minted breath hitting his lips. Sasuke blinks, his long lashes softly brushing against Naruto's cheekbones (Naruto's breath totally did not just hitch) and his black eyes are resolutely staring into Naruto's blue blue blue ones. 

"Does Orochimaru look, in any way, shape or form, like a 30 to 80 centimeters small snake to you?" 

"N-no," Naruto says, weakly, but that's not his fault because Sasuke's fingers are crawling _dangerously_ high on his thighs. 

__

__

"So then why," Sasuke whispers, his breath now caressing his ear while he's nosing at Naruto's (suddenly so so warm) cheek, "are you so convinced he's a Tsuchinoko, huh?" 

"Well- well have you seen the guy? He's _totally_ able to double jump!" Sasuke stops, his lips lingering where they just left a butterfly like kiss right behind his left ear. Then Naruto hears a snort, followed by the feeling of bubbling laughter against his skin. 

__

__

"Double jump? Good god Naruto." Sasuke gets up, smooths his bunched up hoodie out and shoots an uncharacteristically bright grin at Naruto, at least bright in regards to whatever Sasuke usually sustains as a smile or a smirk or a grin. "You play too many videogames." 

"Do not! I saw him double jump on a tree when he was cherry picking in his backyard!" Naruto exclaims. Then adds, "I swear, there's something _in_ that backyard of his. The soil's probably cursed or something. Charged with the bad energies of the dead souls not yet laid to rest or whatever." He waves his hand, immediately disregarding the thought, and clasps his fingers around Sasuke's wrist until the other is seated in his lap, legs bent around Naruto's waist and hands once more planted on his thighs. One of Sasuke's eyebrows shoots up, utterly unimpressed. Naruto merely grins. 

__

__

"C'mon. You're super cute when you're all focused on your monster hunting—"  
"Cryptid hunting," Sasuke corrects automatically.  
"Yeah, whatever. Point is, your freaky brother is gonna be finished doing your even freakier cousin soon and once we're home you're either gonna crash ASAP or stay up until 7 to write down how you've found more proof to finally discover something or someone with four legs and six arms in that little horny for cryptids diary of yours that you think I don't know about—" Sasuke looks like he's about to say something, and by the way his nose is turning red, it's nothing good, so Naruto claps a hand over his mouth, "—and I've sure as hell not gotten my full quota of Sasuke smooching today. _So._ "

He releases Sasuke's mouth and wriggles his eyebrows. Sasuke just stares at him, deadpan, but nevertheless puts his arms over Naruto's shoulders, interlocks his fingers behind his neck and places his hands inbetween Naruto's shoulder blades 

"Developed a bit of an exhibitionism kink, huh," he murmurs, barely audible, eyes half-lidded and good god, good god in heaven above and Lord Satan below, does he love this guy. Loves him so _much_ , cryptid fucker tendencies and ridiculous late-night excursions and all. 

He seals their lips, just for a second, tasting the two cups of overly sweet chai latte (the only sweet thing Sasuke's ever dignified with acknowledgement) on Sasuke's gleaming teeth, his willing tongue. Then he moves his lips, leaves a soft trail over Sasuke's cheek, down his chin and over his throat, up to his ear. Whispers, "It's kind of a rite in your family, no?" and is rewarded with a beautiful half-snort, half-laugh. 

Naruto licks his lips (tasting tasting tasting Sasuke until forever ends), his nose now firmly pressed into velvety raven strands, his eyes locked onto the moon and emitting a faint, crimson red glow. 

Maybe he'll tell Sasuke soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Sasuke cryptid fucker confirmed 
> 
> The Tsuchinoko is a 30 to 80 centimeters large snake-like being with venomous fangs, the ability to speak and a penchant for lying and alcohol. It's also able to jump 1 meter into the air, followed by another jump while still suspended in air—totally a double jump, if you ask me. 
> 
> Once a town in Okayama even offered a reward of 2 million yen (about 16,524 euros and 17,923 dollars) if you brought them one alive.


End file.
